7:13pm Huckabee wants to build a great big highway. Ron Paul is seething, because he just know it’s the fifth sign of the coming of the North American Union.
7:14pm To Romney: “Are these other jokers really tax cutters?” Again, Paul got stiffed. Again, Romney appears stiff. You know what bugs me about Romney? If his hair were even only slightly curly, you’d swear he was a Viagra-laced penis. The man is erect.
7:14.5pm Mormon Erectus.
7:27pm Once you start to think of Romney as a six-foot-tall erect penis, you just can’t see him any other way. I mean, watch the guy with that in mind and tell me I’m wrong. “We’re the party of fiscal responsibility. Bulging, thrusting fiscal responsibility.”
7:54pm Romney just claimed credit for getting pro and anti-gun control people together. The sound you just heard was millions of his votes getting sucked out of the South. It’s hard to see how McCain doesn’t become the nominee. It’s even harder to see me voting Republican next November.
7:56pm Giuliani just accused Romney of being too lawyerly. Which is probably true, especially if the lawyer in question is a six-foot man penis.
7:58pm When you talk about the weather, I tune you out. When presidential candidates are forced to talk about the weather, I worry about the fate of the American commonweal. And then I go pour myself a drink. Excuse me while I miss the next question or two.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Drunkblogging the latest Republican debate so you don't have to watch it. Thank goodness I didn't watch.
Friday, January 18, 2008
So I always get excited when people comment on this here blog, but lately I have been getting comments from some anonymous commenter relating to payday loans. They are even specific to the post, so I have to give them credit for being creative. Otherwise, the payday loan people can go bite crank.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Said much more eloquently than I could have.
On a first-lady goodwill tour of Asia in April 1995—the kind of banal trip that she now claims as part of her foreign-policy "experience"—Mrs. Clinton had been in Nepal and been briefly introduced to the late Sir Edmund Hillary, conqueror of Mount Everest. Ever ready to milk the moment, she announced that her mother had actually named her for this famous and intrepid explorer. The claim "worked" well enough to be repeated at other stops and even showed up in Bill Clinton's memoirs almost a decade later, as one more instance of the gutsy tradition that undergirds the junior senator from New York.Ouch. But wait! There's more!!
Sen. Clinton was born in 1947, and Sir Edmund Hillary and his partner Tenzing Norgay did not ascend Mount Everest until 1953, so the story was self-evidently untrue and eventually yielded to fact-checking. Indeed, a spokeswoman for Sen. Clinton named Jennifer Hanley phrased it like this in a statement in October 2006, conceding that the tale was untrue but nonetheless charming: "It was a sweet family story her mother shared to inspire greatness in her daughter, to great results I might add."
One also hears a great deal about how this awful joint tenure of the executive mansion was a good thing in that it conferred "experience" on the despised and much-deceived wife. Well, the main "experience" involved the comprehensive fouling-up of the nation's health-care arrangements, so as to make them considerably worse than they had been before and to create an opening for the worst-of-all-worlds option of the so-called HMO, combining as it did the maximum of capitalist gouging with the maximum of socialistic bureaucracy. This abysmal outcome, forgiven for no reason that I can perceive, was the individual responsibility of the woman who now seems to think it entitles her to the presidency. But there was another "experience," this time a collaborative one, that is even more significant.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
10. You don't have the right tools, so stop it.
9. Even if you do have the right tools, it takes way too long.
8. You'll get cut hair all over the f$#@in' place.
7. Even if you get in the shower, completely naked, the hair just, well, gets all over the F%$#in' place.
6. You won't vacuum afterward, no matter how many times you tell yourself you will.
5. You can't do the back right, so you end up with a mullet no matter how hard you try.
4. You could have spent the 12 bucks you saved on beer and/or brown liquor. You're going to have to spend it in two days on a decent haircut, you idiot.
3. A barber knows what he's doing, so you don't end up having two haircuts.
2. That beard trimmer you're going to use doesn't have enough power. Even if the TV commercial says it does, it doesn't. It really doesn't.
1. There is not enough hot water in your hot water heater to wash off the shame of telling your friends/officemates "I got drunk and cut my own hair."