Monday, December 31, 2007

Tannerball's 10 predictions for 2008


1. I will drink bourbon, and enjoy it greatly.

2. I will be hungover on January 1, 2008.

3. Hillary Clinton's eyeballs will pop out of her head at some point, and she will blame it on the "vast right-wing conspiracy" [i.e. anyone that asks her a question she doesn't like] that hounds her all the time.

4. We will all reduce our carbon footprint, whether necessary or not, because (a) technology will help us do so, and (b) it's for TEH CHILDREN!

5. At some point, someone running for president will get elected, and will eventually do a crappy job of it.

6. Roving bands of crazed monkeys will take over a city in India or Bangledesh.

7. Something big somewhere will blow up and kill people.

8. By election day, 2008, most all of us will be so sick of politicians that we either won't vote or we'll write in "Crazy Monkey" for President.

9. Some poor movie star will get a divorce and/or adopt an African child.

10. That the following will be true all year, thereby solidifying Dean Martin's place in history: “I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's as good as you're going to feel all day.”


If you've got predictions, lay 'em on me. 2008 has got to be better than 2007, even if only for a minute.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Boxing day.


Not what you think. It's all about the rich folks giving the poor folks a day off and giving out some gifts in boxes.

Not about Tyson whoopin' on somebody. Have a good one. I bought an amp. Now my neighbors will likely call the cops on me. Excellent.

Friday, December 21, 2007

I laughed I cried it was better than Cats...


Walmartopia! The musical Broadway incarnation of rich urbanites making fun of we rubes in Jesusland! Hilarious, and thought-provoking!
Walmartopia begins with Vicki Latrell, a present day single mom, working at Wal-Mart with her sassy teenage daughter, waiting on that ever-elusive promotion. Whether Vicki fails to climb the management ladder as a result of Wal-Mart’s patriarchal power structure, or because whenever her manager leaves the sales floor she stops working to belt out songs Aretha Franklin-style while her chronically tardy teenage daughter idly complains their boss is a “creepy Christian crypto-fascist,” isn’t clear. After she is denied again during an employee evaluation meeting held at Hooters, however, it becomes a moot point as an angry Vicki catches the radical bug from a philosopher janitor. “He’s hot,” Vicki’s daughter gushes approvingly, “like…Che Guevara!”
Too good to miss at $60.00 a throw. Get thee to the theater for some proper learning! WalMart is bad and dehumanizing, and if you don't believe that, well, you're a "crypto-fascist!" Thank God for such creativity and social conscience--with references to Che!!

NYT review.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

The proper role of the federal government

Defense, roads, and leave me the hell alone. Anything else anybody can think of?

Ah, Baseball -- what the hell happened?

So it turns out that steroid use in baseball is rampant. As if we didn't know that already --
"Concerning BALCO and Major League Baseball I requested interviews of all the major league players who had been publicly implicated in the BALCO case: Marvin Benard; Barry Bonds; Bobby Estalella; Jason Giambi; Jeremy Giambi; Armando Rios; Benito Santiago; Gary Sheffield; and Randy Velarde. Jason Giambi agreed to be interviewed, and Randy Velarde provided information through his attorney. All the other players implicated in the BALCO case refused my requests to be interviewed or did not respond to them. Gary Sheffield initially declined my request for an interview. Sheffield later said that he would agree to an interview, subject to the availability of his lawyer who was undergoing medical treatments."

Clemens, Miguel Tejada and Pettitte were named in the report, an All-Star roster linked to steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs that put a question mark -- if not an asterisk -- next to some of baseball's biggest moments.

Eric Gagne, Troy Glaus, Gary Matthews Jr., Brian Roberts, Paul Lo Duca, Rick Ankiel and Jay Gibbons were among other current players named in the report. Some were linked to Human Growth Hormone, others to steroids. Also mentioned in the report is Tejada, who was dealt from Baltimore to Houston Wednesday.

"We identify some of the players who were caught up in this drive to gain a competitive advantage,'' the report said. "Other investigations will no doubt turn up more names and fill in more details, but that is unlikely to significantly alter the description of baseball's 'steroids era' as set forth in this report.''

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Offended muslims have much-needed support


Excellent.
"I have always been offended by rubber ducks," says Mahmud Said of Portland, Oregon. "For a long time I felt stigmatized and inadequate, until one day I decided to write about it on an Internet forum. I received hundreds of heart-felt emails - from Morocco to Indonesia. It turns out that thousands of Muslim men between the ages of 18 and 35 have had traumatic experiences with rubber ducks.
"We started a support group that has grown to 10,000 members. Not only do we share horrifying rubber duck stories, we also try to increase public awareness by sabotaging the world supply of rubber ducks, setting fire to factories, abducting rubber duck distributors, and intimidating retailers. These are building blocks for our healthy future. With Allah as my witness, our public awareness campaign will soon result in a completely rubber-duck-free world."

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Momma knows better than you . . . part 2.



Jesus. VFW post raided in Dallas for illegal gambling. The freakin' VFW!

Virginia law is says this:
"Illegal gambling" means the making, placing or receipt, of any bet or wager in this Commonwealth of money or other thing of value, made in exchange for a chance to win a prize, stake or other consideration or thing of value, dependent upon the result of any game, contest or any other event the outcome of which is uncertain or a matter of chance, whether such game, contest or event, occurs or is to occur inside or outside the limits of this Commonwealth.
There is, however, an exception for a game at a private residence, as long as the private residence isn't ordinarily used for that purpose. Ain't the law grand?

Oh yeah -- Bingo and duck racing (!?!) are legal when you get a proper permit.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Momma knows better than you . . .

In NC, you can lose your driver's license for giving alcohol to your own under-21 children, even if they don't drive anywhere or get in a car. As should be expected, this is just fine with Mothers Against Drunk Driving, which is no longer an anti-drunk driving organization, but a temperance movement.

On a related noted, "repeal day" is tomorrow, December 5. 74 years ago tomorrow, prohibition was repealed in the US. You can look it up.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

"I'm a lawyer, not your fairy godmother."

A number of sites have this up already, but I read it a while ago, and it sums up a lot of what I deal with at work representing indigent clients.
First, let me say I love my job and it is a privilege to work for my clients. I wish I could do more for them. That being said, there are a few things that need to be discussed.

You have the right to remain silent. So SHUT THE FUCK UP. Those cops are completely serious when they say your statements can and will be used against you. There’s just no need to babble on like it’s a drink and dial session. They are just pretending to like you and be interested in you.

When you come to court, consider your dress. If you’re charged with a DUI, don’t wear a Budweiser shirt. If you have some miscellaneous drug charge, think twice about clothing with a marijuana leaf on it or a t-shirt with the “UniBonger” on it. Long sleeves are very nice for covering tattoos and track marks. Try not to be visibly drunk when you show up.

Consider bathing and brushing your teeth. This is just as a courtesy to me who has to stand by you in court. Smoking 5 generic cigarettes to cover up your bad breath is not the same as brushing. Try not to cough and spit on my while you speak and further transmit your strep, flu, and hepatitis A through Z.

I’m a lawyer, not your fairy godmother. I probably won’t find a loophole or technicality for you, so don’t be pissed off. I didn’t beat up your girlfriend, steal that car, rob that liquor store, sell that crystal meth, or rape that 13 year old. By the time we meet, much of your fate has been sealed, so don’t be too surprised by your limited options and that I’m the one telling you about them.

As they say, read the whole thing.

The brownest of the brown-food holidays.


Thanksgiving is almost here, so it's important for the thousands of workers here at Tannerball to make certain all (two) of our readers have some idea what the holiday is about, and why it is the best four-day weekend of the year.

Way back when, settlers were having a hard time of things over here in the new world. Turns out the first Thanksgiving feast was in Virginia, despite what they teach us in school. Those settlers had a big old feast to celebrate the end of the harvest, and everyone was happy because, unlike Christmas, they didn't have to give the drunk uncle any presents.

Now, this tradition continued for some time, and George Washington recommended that the fourth Thursday in November be a day of national Thanksgiving. However, it wasn't until Abe Lincoln was president that Thanksgiving became a national holiday. Good for him, I say, because nothing says "America!" like Thanksgiving. Except maybe for July 4th. Or SuperBowl Sunday. Whatever. Neither of those are 4-day weekends, complete with Turkey and Gravy.

Thanksgiving has been a favorite of we folks here at Tannerball for a long time, and for good reason. First, you get to eat and drink however much you want--and cooking up a giant bird is fun, whether the Tannermom thinks so or not. So is drinking before noon. Second, you don't have to buy anybody any presents, other than more food or drink. Third, there's good football to watch. Fourth, you get a day off to collect yourself before the Georgia/Georgia Tech game. Fifth, the Saturday after Thanksgiving has great college football, and you can again eat and drink as much as you like (see the Tannerball videos from last year). Sixth, you can spend all Sunday watching more football and recovering from the punishment you gave yourself.

Now, there are those of you out there who think it's a good idea to go shopping at Wal-Mart or some mall on Friday. I think you're crazy -- you've got plenty of time for that before Christmas. Why go to the mall at 5 AM to race a bunch of crazed lunatic shoppers wearing Christmas sweaters? It's not even December yet, you maniacs!

My advice is this -- remember what Thanksgiving is about. It's about being thankful for the bounty that we enjoy here, and remembering those less fortunate than we. And gravy. Actually, it's all about the gravy. Screw that other sentimental crap.

UPDATE: If you're travelling for Thanksgiving, watch this.

If you do this,


I don't blame your dog when he bites you.

Omnitrois



Remember, all caps means you're shouting.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Monkeys-stealing your crap.


Thievin' little bastards.
"Monkeys are wreaking havoc in my constituency by taking away mobile phones, toothpastes, sipping coke after opening the refrigerators," Hiren Das told Assam state's assembly.

He said the primates were "even slapping women who try to chase them".

Saturday, November 17, 2007

TIMEWASTER!

Cool game/geography quiz. It's a bit hard what with the tiny map and all.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Santa is actually a misogynist, didn't you know?

All for saying Ho Ho Ho. Catch the decline of reasoned thought, on your six o'clock news.

We got us a wild place here.

Little old Charlottesville, and mulitple shootings in a week!

One is a truly tragic case, and I hope those two bastards get what's coming to them.

Another is a typical night club shooting, where the dude gets shot in the thigh and isn't hurt all that badly.

And this one, nobody knows nuthin'.

WTF?

Friday, November 09, 2007

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Tannerball's required reading level

Is "Genius"! So there. I knew somebody thought I was smart. (See the ad in the sidebar).

Friday, November 02, 2007

Fortune cookie

My boy got this one last night: "There is always a higher mountain to climb."

While I agree mostly with the sentiment, it seems to me to be incomplete. It should read as follows:
There is always a higher mountain to climb. Unless the mountain is Everest. Then you're fucked.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Awesome

You think you know how to tie one on?
The record for history's largest cocktail belongs to British Lord Admiral Edward Russell. In 1694, he threw an officer's party that employed a garden's fountain as the punch bowl.

The concoction? A mixture that included 250 gallons of brandy, 125 gallons of Malaga wine, 1,400 pounds of sugar, 2,500 lemons, 20 gallons of lime juice, and 5 pounds of nutmeg.

A series of bartenders actually paddled around in a small wooden canoe, filling up guests' cups. Not only that, but they had to work in 15-minute shifts to avoid being overcome by the fumes and falling overboard.

The party continued nonstop for a full week, pausing only briefly during rainstorms to erect a silk canopy over the punch to keep it from getting watered down. In fact, the festivities didn't end until the fountain had been drunk completely dry.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

BUT, BUT, BUT IT'S FOR TEH CHILDREN! WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN!!!

SCHIP, the veto explained.
The Framers would have insisted on nothing less, as reflected in the Constitution's Health Care Clause. Oh, wait. The Constitution has no Health Care Clause. Nor does it include any other provision that authorizes Congress to spend taxpayers' money on health insurance for the children of the working poor, the grandparents of the middle class, the nephews of the super-rich, or the kin of any other socioeconomic group.

Still, Bartlett and Bush deserve some credit for resisting the expansion of a highly popular program that never should have been created to begin with, especially since they knew they'd be accused of being stingy child haters. They would deserve more credit if they applied their avowed principles a little more consistently, in which case the charges of cruel penny-pinching would be less credible.

Read the whole thing.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Nobel Peace Prize? Feh . . .

If Al Gore can win it, so can I.
But the award is as likely to go to a current or former government official: a George Marshall, a Willy Brandt, a Mikhail Gorbachev, a Jimmy Carter. Some of those statesmen aren't exactly pacifists, which leads us to the third and easiest way to win the Peace Prize:

3. Kill a lot of people, then stop. In 1973, the Nobel Peace Prize was shared by Henry Kissinger and Le Duc Tho. Kissinger's CV included the "secret" bombing of Cambodia and the "Christmas" bombing of North Vietnam; just a month before his prize was announced, he was complicit in the coup that installed a brutal dictatorship in Chile. So why did he win? Because he and Tho had reached a truce to end the Vietnam War. Tho wasn't a particularly peaceful man either, but at least he had the common courtesy to refuse the award.


Read it all.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

People hate lawyers

Because of crap like this. Restaurant owner takes a picture of Chelsea Clinton and him, and gets threatened by Bill Clinton's "legal advisor" with some sort of action unless he takes the photo down. Screw Bill and his advisor.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Your band sucks.

The Hall of Douchebags. My favorite? "The ubiquitous brick wall mocks my cold despair”. Just click one and start truckin' on through.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

After 36 beers, man beaten with tire iron

Now that's a headline. That's some hard drinking, let me tell you. I can drink my share of beer, but 36 seems like overkill. And then to get beaten with a tire iron by two women, well, gracious.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Yale senior, in her own words

Good lord. I wonder why she doesn't have friends.
I have made relatively few friends at Yale. Why? Well, that’s the question I would ask myself whenever I feel like a wallflower. Someone once said to me: “Teresa, you are always looking for people to impress you. You want them to say things that you have not heard before, and when they don’t, you are disappointed and annoyed.”

Forget about the impressing part. I am not looking for people to speak about things that I do not understand, but I am very particular about the quality of conversations that I have with others. Different people are particular about different things. My personality happened to make me like what the majority at Yale is not too passionate about and hate what the majority finds acceptable.

I am a rebel because I reject your proletarian views on things! And your speech patterns, which are inefficient and annoying! I hate what you talk about because it is what someone else talks about!

Look, I went to Yale, and if you have a hard time finding good conversation, it's your problem, not the "majority's". That is one of the most stimulating intellectual and social environments you could ever find -- if you don't take advantage of it, well, that's your choice, but it's not a wise one.

9/11 conspiracy theories: Bullshit!



Watch the whole thing. Via Flopping Aces.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Friday, September 07, 2007

Mix tape strategery

So, I've been downloading and listening to lots of really good music lately, and I intend to make a kick-ass mix tape (well, CD) tonight. Here's what I have always thought -- a good mix tape starts off really strong, with loud and raucous rock. It then calms down in the middle, and at the trough (about 15 songs in), has one really depressing alcohol-soaked song (like "Drink 'till we're gone" by Lucero), and then picks back up for a couple, and then ends on a slow, melodic tune, that captures the mood of what you are trying to accomplish. Of course, those guidelines merely represent tactics, and not an overall strategy. The real question is "what am I trying to get out of this mix?" If you are looking to impress a girl (or boy), you need to execute on that strategy by employing the appropriate tactics -- songs that say how you feel about the other person, yourself, or whatever. If you want a road trip mix for you and your buddies, you definitely need some Motley Crue up in there.

Here's an article about the lost art of actually making a mix tape on a cassette, which was the way I did things -- old school. It's worth a read.
Compiling a mix tape is also, of course, a labour of love, an act of dogged devotion. You can see why Nick Hornby used the mix tape in High Fidelity as a signifier of love and devotion. If my memory serves, his male protagonist, a romantic loser, wins his long-suffering girlfriend back by compiling her a tape of songs by romantic losers about romantic losers. On some Freudian level, the compilation tape says more about the compiler than the object of his or her devotion.

'It takes time and effort to put a mix tape together,' writes Dean Wareham, leader of the short-lived, but quietly influential, art-rock group, Galaxie 500, in a book called Mix Tape: The Art of Cassette Culture, which was edited by Thurston Moore of Sonic Youth. 'The time spent implies an emotional connection with the recipient. It might be a desire to go to bed, or to share ideas. The message of the tape might be: "I love you. I think about you all the time, listen to how I feel about you." Or maybe: "I love me. I am a tasteful person who listens to tasty things. This tape tells you all about me." There is something narcissistic about making someone a tape, and the act of giving the tape put the recipient in our debt somehow. Like all gifts, the mix tape comes with strings attached.'

A mix tape is, for lack of a better way to put it, the best gettin' to know you chit-chat you could ever come up with.

However, if you believe that the best live show you ever saw was Justin Timberlake, keep your f@#!in' music to yourself. The mix tape has to have obscure, unheard of greatness to it, and "Sexyback" will never, ever make the cut. Ever. It will make the recipient of the mix tape say "This is teh Suck," and, by extension, that you suck and aren't worth any more time. As you can tell, it is important to execute on your strategy by using your wits and cunning, and leaving that shitty pop music behind. Sound off like you've got a pair!

Seems to me the key to making a proper mix tape (even if you're cheating with iTunes and burning CDs like I will be) is putting songs on there that you don't hear all that much. If you are making it for someone else, then find a whole bunch of songs you think the other person has never heard, and perhaps will find unlistenable, but that you love. Primus' "Tommy the Cat" being a prime example for me.

Anyhow, I will update this post after I compile the playlist, and we'll see where we get. I already know song # 1 is "Summer Babe" by Pavement. Please discuss in the comments, all 2 of my readers.

UPDATE: So here it is:

1. Summer Babe -- Pavement
2. Shut up and Get on the Plane--Drive by Truckers
3. Sweet little Thing--Lucero
4. We're not Alone--Dinosaur Jr.
5. Selzer--Bluto
6. Two Doors Down--Dwight Yoakam (acoustic)
7. I Want you So Hard--Eagles of Death Metal
8. Give you my Car--Flys
9. The Ballad of the Gravel Pit--Gravel Pit
10. 1979--Lucero
11. Sunday Morning Comin' Down--Johnny Cash
12. Paper Thin Walls--Modest Mouse
13. Tommy the Cat--Primus
14. I'll Just Fall--Lucero
15. Sugar Kane--Sonic Youth
16. C'mon C'mon--Von Bondies
17. Goddamn Lonely Love--Drive by Truckers
18. Pueblo--Pavement

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Teh Fred is in the race . . .

Fred Thompson announces, formally, on Jay Leno (?!?), that he is running for President. Perhaps this will give a lift to an otherwise completely disappointing presidential campaign from both parties. I doubt it, though. I still favor the SOB over the actor, but we'll have to see. Everyone else is just so, well, f!#$in' boring, and, on the democratic side, well, they're all just insufferable whores.

Etymology of "teh," here.

UPDATE: This is old, but I like it. From IMAO.

Monday, September 03, 2007

Modern Drunkard -- the best web 'zine in the whole world



The 86 rules of boozing.

My favorite?

"47. Nothing screams 'nancy boy' louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter."

Runner up?

"35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it."

Discuss.

Yet more freedom for me, but not for thee

Via Instapundit (link on blogroll), we find yet another instance of our social betters telling us what not to do while going right on doing the bad stuff they say we shouldn't do.
You can't make this stuff up, folks. Last week, during a speech to a labor group in Lake Buena Vista, Florida, Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards told the crowd: "One of the things [Americans] should be asked to do is drive more fuel-efficient vehicles." Asked if by saying that he was specifically telling Americans to give up their SUVs, Edwards replied, "Yes."

It's a wonder we Americans haven't choked to death on all the hypocrisy we've been force-fed of late. Naturally, Edwards owns and drives an SUV himself -- several, in fact. In Washington D.C. he often pilots his Cadillac SRX, while at his North Carolina spread -- a 28,000-square-foot manse more than ten times the size of the average American home -- one can easily spot several more those-aren't-Priuses (click to enlarge accompanying photo). Asked at the labor-group speech how he can reconcile asking other Americans to sacrifice while he's living so large, Edwards replied: "I have no apologies whatsoever for what I've done with my life. My entire life has been about the same cause, which is making sure wherever you come from, whatever your family is, whatever the color of your skin, you get a real chance to do something great in this country."

Translation: "I get to do something I call great (make millions off class-action lawsuits, buy a leviathan house and big cars for my family, and pamper my hair), but your 'real chance' ends with buying a transportation device that I've decided may affect the future of my precious spawn."

Friday, August 31, 2007

Obligatory gay marriage/activist judges post

I am completely ambivalent about gay marriage -- frankly, I just don't really care all that much. (now a gay divorce should be interesting). Protein wisdom's take on the ruling in Iowa, where a judge just declared Iowa's "defense of marriage act" unconstitutional and directed local authorities to issue marriage licenses to some gay couples, is an interesting read for the "con" side. I don't generally like "slippery slope" arguments, but it's a fair point to consider.

Also, doesn't the whole issue of who can marry whom get down to a three-party contractual relationship between the marrying couple and the state? What I mean is that people are free to marry anyone they want, in whatever manner they want, but the marriage itself is not a "marriage" in the sense of a legal, as opposed to emotional, obligation, until such time as the state places its stamp of approval on it? And isn't the proper body for such a stamp the legislative one? And if sexual orientation is not a suspect class, or if marriage is not a "fundamental right," why are courts involved at all? Discuss amongst yourselves. Keep in mind that there are no wrong answers here -- I am just curious.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Awesome, with a Van Halen soundtrack



Unbelievable. Red shirted biker dude probably needs to change his undies.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

"I've got some booze at my place."

The after hours party, explained. Read the whole thing. I like the games on the sidebar.

Hat tip to Josie, the cool chick.

Friday, August 17, 2007

The Silky Pony: pwn3d by Rudy . . .

That's what I am on about. I'll take the SOB over the pretty boy any day. I have to hand it to Dadmanly -- he gives Edwards what-for.
Note that Edwards and Giuliani point to the same ultimate goal for the US, better relations with the world. For Edwards and the Democrats, the strategy is to do whatever it takes to bring that about: the US must change. For Giuliani, the key to better relations is a common basis and acceptance of democratic norms and human rights: those who oppress and terrorize must change, or be overwhelmed.
Amen. Read the whole thing.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Duct tape bandit . . . From the hometown of Ashland, KY.


Excellent. They grow criminals smart in my hometown. I even used to buy beer at Shamrock Liquor.

UPDATE: Here's what he looks like normally, if that word can be used for such a person:



Plus, the local story. And the arraignment.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

More music -- Goddamn lonely love



My life these days. Enjoy the song -- it's excellent.

Package Thief!


My band in college opened for Superchunk in Norwalk, CT. This one's for you, "w."

Sunday, August 12, 2007

I don't wanna think, I just wanna bang on my youtube all day!!!



Milk was a bad choice. And yes, I see that the title to the post seems a bit dirty, but it's not intended to be. The website is, as you know, called "youtube." Leave me alone.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Drive by Truckers


Excellent band from the old home town -- Athens is the best. WOMEN WITHOUT WHISKEY!!! The guy that wrote this song was a witness in case I prosecuted there. Whatever, just listen too the whole thing:
Whiskey is harder to keep than a woman and it's half as sweet but
Women without whiskey, Women without whiskey
Whiskey is hard to beat
Whiskey is hard to beat

That was unnecessary.


What an excellent movie. Watched it last night. Pwn3d!

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Virginia is for lovers. . . or, screw that . . .

Meat is for lovers. No joke:
What it comes down to, hon, is that we're all carcasses, if in varying states of decay. And that's why meat is sexy. When you cook -- especially when you grill -- meat, you demonstrate your mastery over flesh. And there's no denying the hotness of that. When you eat meat, you show your partner just how much you enjoy flesh. And there's no denying the hotness of that, either.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Nice.

Boy's lemonade stand robbed.

Cundy said he was selling cold drinks to raise money to go camping with his grandparents and to buy a birthday present for his mother. He said he saw two teenagers on bicycles eyeballing him as they were riding past.

About 2:45 p.m. Tuesday, he told police, one of the teenage boys punched Cundy, shoved him off his chair and took the plastic container with the money in it along with Cundy's wallet, which held his library card and student ID.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Once again, the Onion is looking out for you, the reader.


Good to know.

I like this dude's style

He spent 105,000 pounds in 5 hours. On booze.
The unnamed big spender entered Crystal at midnight on Saturday with friends -- nine women and eight men -- and ordered a $50 (24 pound) bottle of white wine, a spokesman for the club said.

But before long he was ordering magnums of Dom Perignon at $1,400 each and then called for a Methuselah -- eight bottles in one -- of Cristal Champagne at $60,000 and the party spread.

The festivities ended with a "night cap" consisting of a Methuselah of Belvedere vodka, which cost $2,800. "He basically just said, 'keep the drinks flowing,'" the club spokesman said.

When the party left at 5 a.m., the bill was 81,471.50 pounds, which with tax and service added amounted to 105,805.28 pounds. It included the cost of six Coca-Colas.
Six cokes?

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Another tale of misery and woe

The defense to the murder/dismemberment/putting the body in a suitcase seems pretty sound to me. The State has to exclude every reasonable theory of innocence in a circumstantial case (just like any other case). This one looks like a hum-dinger!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Rugby is a tough tough sport.


Just ask this dude, who was living with an opponent's tooth stuck in his head.

This guy needs to be gone.

Why not the death penalty for this guy?
A man who had been released from prison early for good behavior was convicted Tuesday of trying to kill a young mother and leaving her 5-year-old daughter to be eaten alive by alligators in the Everglades.

Harrel Franklin Braddy had befriended Shandelle Maycock and her daughter Quatisha. Maycock testified that Braddy went to her home in November 1998 and grew enraged when she asked him to leave.

He choked Maycock until she was unconscious and then forced her and Quatisha into his car, the woman testified. At one point, Maycock gained consciousness, grabbed the child and jumped out of the moving vehicle.

Braddy stopped, choked the woman again and put her in the trunk, she testified. Maycock never saw her daughter again. Prosecutors said Braddy then drove to a section of Interstate 75 in the Everglades known as Alligator Alley and dropped Quatisha in the water beside the road.

She was alive when alligators bit her on the head and stomach, a medical examiner said.

Authorities found the girl's body two days later, her left arm missing and her skull crushed, prosecutors said. Maycock woke up bleeding and disoriented in a cane field miles from her Miami-Dade County home.

If ever there were a good candidate, this dude appears to be he. Out on parole for attempted murder, then you kidnap and try to murder a woman, and dump her 5-year-old daughter in the Everglades to be eaten by alligators. Good God.

Michael Vick indicted on federal dog-fighting charges

Protein wisdom's take is here, and, as with all things protein wisdom-ish, it's worth a read.
Still, the idea that Vick — who had t-shirts and headbands made up for Bad Newz Kennels — wasn’t aware of a massive dog fighting ring being run out of his own property, where the remains of dogs were found in several graves, is difficult to believe at first blush; and making that more unlikely, it seems to me, is the interstate scope of the dog fighting ring.

Vick is accused, according to the 19-page indictment, of being involved in the killing of a number of underperforming dogs — including killing one by slamming it to the ground.

According to a police informant, Vick is considered one of the “heavyweights” in dog fighting circles — a “high roller” — and his involvement in dog fights continued, according to sources, well into last season.
Being a Virginian, and a UVA fan, and hearing all the time about Vick and his miscreant brother Marcus, none of this is a surprise. However, be wary of believing the things alleged by "sources" in the investigation -- those "sources" are generally criminal informants who are either working off charges or getting paid by the government to give testimony. Oftentimes, the things said by CI's are, well, bullshit.

So, like Jeff G., I will reserve final judgment on Mr. Vick for now. However, on this blog, as everywhere other than court, Mr. Vick doesn't get the benefit of the presumption of innocence -- so when the evidence is clearer, I'll make the call.

UPDATE: Here's the indictment.

UPDATED UPDATE: Heh. Top 9 Mike Vick excuses. I like this one: "I’m part Korean on my father’s side. So where you see a ‘dog fighting ring,’ I see a a buffet table filled with the freshest dishes this side of a Pukp’yongdong barbecue. RACISTS!"

Monday, July 16, 2007

Best. Movie. Ever.


I mean it.

Friday, July 13, 2007

We keep it real here at Tannerball



But we really really try not to let keepin' it real go wrong. Sometimes we can, sometimes we can't. CAUTION--language warning. NSFW, NSFK.

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Pixies! Live in Germany!


This is my daughter's favorite song! She's totally the coolest 7 year old on the planet.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Speaking truth to power . . .

Onion style:
"Carney is where I was born and raised, and it remains a tight-knit community," said Foundation chairman Althea Hynes at a fundraising block party held Monday on a broken bottle- and condom-strewn stretch of Carney Avenue where the money-grubbing Messner wants to put a soulless indoor food court. "Lots of young kids still play in the empty lots around here."

Messner, 54, a three-time Chicagoland "Builder of the Year" and all-time unbelievable scumbag who made his fortune in the 1990s converting public parks and cheap, blighted properties into high-rise luxury residences, is seeking to "revitalize" Carney Gardens by razing it and replacing it with a damned cookie-cutter mixed commercial-residential development that would benefit no one who lives there now.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!

Happy Father's Day to all the Dads out there. I went to the pool with the kids, and we had a blast. I hope everyone had as good a day. Enjoy your kids -- they are the best. I know mine are.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Meanwhile, in Malaysia . . .

People are not permitted to leave Islam, ever. Under any circumstances.
Joy, an ethnic Muslim Malay born Azlina Jailani, began attending church in 1990. Eight years later she was baptized. Although the government accepted her name change, it would not replace “Muslim” with “Christian” on her national identification card without an apostasy certificate from a sharia court. “As a Muslim, bound by the shariah laws,” explained government counsel Datuk Umi Kalthum Abdul Majid, Joy “cannot apostasize at will.” If you are born Muslim, you stay Muslim, at least until a sharia court decides otherwise, which is never.

Joy went to civil court. Her attorney, Datuk Dr Cyrus Das, argued: “the multi-racial and multi-religious people of Malaysia exist in harmony under the guarantees given by a single common document called the Federal Constitution.” In contrast, Yusri Mohammed, head of the Muslim Youth Movement, contended that the constitution “cannot simply be understood as giving unlimited freedom to change one’s religion.”

Alas, Joy lost at the trial and appellate levels. The federal court heard her case last year. She was supported by several NGOs. The government attorney criticized these groups for mounting a “sustained attack on Islam.”

On Wednesday the court, by a two-to-one vote, rejected her appeal. Chief Justice Ahmad Fairuz Sheikh Abdul Halim opined: “Apostasy is a matter linked to Islamic laws. It’s under the jurisdiction of the sharia court.” But for Joy to go to sharia court would be to invite criminal punishment as an apostate, something that (non-Muslim) dissenting Justice Richard Malanjum correctly observed was “unreasonable” to require of her.
Merely to suggest that persons should be permitted to change their religions as they see fit, well, that's just an "attack on Islam." Doesn't it appear that we should start taking all the Muslim claims of creation of a worldwide caliphate seriously? They are taking a reasonably successful country and are making it less free, and therefore less able to maintain itself on the stage. The paranoia of these Muslims is patent.

And people fear the creation of a "theocracy" in the US -- well, show me when our government, under any president, would honor the ruling of a "sharia court" when it comes to questions of the freedom of a person to convert from Islam to some other religion.

I am starting to think a friend of mine is correct -- the impact of religion on political and social affairs is uniformly negative.

Monday, June 04, 2007

I am afraid this dude's right.

Do we really need the middle east for much of anything?
Yes, it would be nice if Israelis and Palestinians could settle their differences, but it would do little or nothing to calm the other conflicts in the middle east from Algeria to Iraq, or to stop Muslim-Hindu violence in Kashmir, Muslim-Christian violence in Indonesia and the Philippines, Muslim-Buddhist violence in Thailand, Muslim-animist violence in Sudan, Muslim-Igbo violence in Nigeria, Muslim-Muscovite violence in Chechnya, or the different varieties of inter-Muslim violence between traditionalists and Islamists, and between Sunnis and Shia, nor would it assuage the perfectly understandable hostility of convinced Islamists towards the transgressive west that relentlessly invades their minds, and sometimes their countries.
I hate to admit it, but fatigue with muslims and their insane governments, political parties, terrorist organizations, etc., is leading me to the conclusion that the US's attempt to bring some semblance of decent government to the middle east is a completely lost cause. And, now that we know that we can absorb the economic consequences of simply ceasing to do business, what are we there for? And then there is this:
The third and greatest error repeated by middle east experts of all persuasions, by Arabophiles and Arabophobes alike, by Turcologists and by Iranists, is also the simplest to define. It is the very odd belief that these ancient nations are highly malleable. Hardliners keep suggesting that with a bit of well-aimed violence ("the Arabs only understand force") compliance will be obtained. But what happens every time is an increase in hostility; defeat is followed not by collaboration, but by sullen non-cooperation and active resistance too. It is not hard to defeat Arab countries, but it is mostly useless. Violence can work to destroy dangerous weapons but not to induce desired changes in behaviour.

Softliners make exactly the same mistake in reverse. They keep arguing that if only this or that concession were made, if only their policies were followed through to the end and respect shown, or simulated, hostility would cease and a warm Mediterranean amity would emerge. Yet even the most thinly qualified of middle east experts must know that Islam, as with any other civilisation, comprehends the sum total of human life, and that unlike some others it promises superiority in all things for its believers, so that the scientific and technological and cultural backwardness of the lands of Islam generates a constantly renewed sense of humiliation and of civilisational defeat. That fully explains the ubiquity of Muslim violence, and reveals the futility of the palliatives urged by the softliners.

The operational mistake that middle east experts keep making is the failure to recognise that backward societies must be left alone, as the French now wisely leave Corsica to its own devices, as the Italians quietly learned to do in Sicily, once they recognised that maxi-trials merely handed over control to a newer and smarter mafia of doctors and lawyers. With neither invasions nor friendly engagements, the peoples of the middle east should finally be allowed to have their own history—the one thing that middle east experts of all stripes seem determined to deny them.

That brings us to the mistake that the rest of us make. We devote far too much attention to the middle east, a mostly stagnant region where almost nothing is created in science or the arts—excluding Israel, per capita patent production of countries in the middle east is one fifth that of sub-Saharan Africa.
One-fifth of subsaharan Africa? Impossible to believe. What to do?

Monday, May 28, 2007

Enjoy your Memorial Day


And remember what it is about. Micheal Yon reminds us.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Why do I loathe politicians? Part I.

Let me count the ways. Why can't Hillary just admit she was a reasonably well-off middle class white kid from the suburbs? There's nothing wrong with that.

I don't get it. It shouldn't be hard to say "I grew up fine, my parents were great, and I am proud of my hometown," as opposed to ginning up some artificial bucolic dream in which you had profound and moving experiences with the "other."

Anyhow, I guess I will start a serial posting on this issue.

Monday, May 07, 2007

He's got me pegged!! I just want to be David Bullard!! FINALLY I HAVE SAID IT!! I FEEL SO LIBERATED!!

Via Instapundit, we find out that our journalistic betters think bloggers are, well, let him say it himself:
Every day there are 120000 new blog sites registered — a staggering 43 million a year. According to blog search engine Technorati, there are already 70 million blog sites registered worldwide. Admittedly the majority of the bloggers get bored rather quickly and don’t bother to update their sites, but that’s still 70 million people (higher than the population of the UK) who desperately want to be columnists.
. . .

Most blog sites are the air guitars of journalism. They’re cobbled together by people who wouldn’t stand a hope in hell of getting a job in journalism, mainly because they have very little to say. It’s rather sad how many people think the tedious minutiae of their lives will be of any interest to anyone else.

It’s even sadder when someone reads them.

Many bloggers prefer to remain anonymous and with good reason. The content of their sites is so moronic that even their best friends would disown them if they knew they were the authors. As with most things in life, something that costs nothing is usually worth nothing and that puzzles me. Are there really 70 million bloggers out there hoping that their writing talents will be recognised, or is this just another example of modern narcissism?
Be gone with you, blogger-morons!! No one wants to read your wanna-be drivel!! You are nothing but poseurs, trying to imitate those you so clearly admire!! And admirable we real journalist are, for we have editors and fact checkers and the like. And we never ever mess up!!!

Here's the choice bit:
I do, however, object to some anonymous, scrofulous nerd pumping meaningless drivel into cyberspace at all hours of the day and night simply because he can’t find a girl to sleep with him. These are the sort of w ackos who gun down their fellow students at university.
In other words, there ought to be a law forbidding people from spewing their mindless ravings on the internet because it is objectionable to David Bullard, the arbiter of all journalistic goodness and rightness.

Bullard, of course, doesn't have any idea what motivates people to write blogs. He clearly doesn't read those that are thoughtful and thought-provoking. He simply tars the entire blogging project with one big brush -- "You're a dork with no girlfriend, so you blog about stupid things because you want to be me. And you're a bit scary, so I am going to suggest that a lot of bloggers are really psycopathic mass murderers because they are frustrated sexually. And I object to reading their content." And he calls us narcissistic. What a toad. Oh yeah--and if you don't want to read blogs, then DON'T NAVIGATE TO THEM. Easy as pie, unless you're an idiot.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Poor little Paris


Big house for 45 days for driving on a suspended license. Examples.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Slappity slappity slappity

Excellent.Lede says it all: "A western Kentucky man bolted — naked — from his home and led police on a 40 minute foot chase before being caught, police said." Ah, Kentucky.
McCampbell bared all after police went to his house Monday to serve a warrant, said Steve Hendley, Mayfield's assistant police chief. As he ran through town, people aided police by pointing in the direction McCampbell streaked off, Hendley said.

"They were, I would say, probably shocked," Assistant Police Chief Steve Hendley said. "Its not every day you have a guy take off down the street naked at 11 o'clock in the morning."
But why did it take 40 minutes to catch him?

Fred Thompson facts--


Fun facts about Fred Thompson, for those who think he's making a run for president. My favorite: "The original ending to In the Line of Fire had Fred Thompson stand between the assassin and the president and deflect the bullet off his chest. This was deemed to unrealistic, though, since no one would ever have the courage to pull the trigger on Fred Thompson."

Friday, April 27, 2007

A police state is very bad, unless it's guns we're talking about, and then it's jim dandy!

Good grief.
The disarmament process would begin after the initial three-month amnesty. Special squads of police would be formed and trained to carry out the work. Then, on a random basis to permit no advance warning, city blocks and stretches of suburban and rural areas would be cordoned off and searches carried out in every business, dwelling, and empty building. All firearms would be seized. The owners of weapons found in the searches would be prosecuted: $1,000 and one year in prison for each firearm.

Clearly, since such sweeps could not take place all across the country at the same time. But fairly quickly there would begin to be gun-swept, gun-free areas where there should be no firearms. If there were, those carrying them would be subject to quick confiscation and prosecution. On the streets it would be a question of stop-and-search of anyone, even grandma with her walker, with the same penalties for "carrying."


That Constitution-thingy that guarantees we are free from searches and seizures on less than probable cause? Pish posh -- these are guns were talking about! That pesky 2nd amendment? Screw that -- it doesn't really mean what it says anyway. Due process? No worries -- we're taking your guns FOR THE CHILDREN!!!! THE CHILDREN!!!

UPDATE: The protein wisdom take on this.

What is it with North Carolina?

You need to watch The Trials of Darryl Hunt on HBO. It is a documentary about a man wrongfully convicted of a hideous rape/murder in Winston-Salem, NC. He spent 20 years in prison, and it turned out he was completely innocent of the offense. Mr. Hunt's case shows you what happens to poor (and often black) defendants in the criminal justice system. And it shows you what Mike Nifong was trying to do the the lacrosse players -- win at any cost. A shameful episode. Just watch it.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

About frickin' time

McCain-Feingold, the campaign finance legislation that also acts as a pre-existing restraint on political speech, may finally get whacked by the Supremes. Good riddance, I say.
With Chief Justice John G. Roberts, Jr., and Justice Antonin Scalia exhibiting considerable distaste for a key provision of federal campaign finance law, Congress' latest attempt to reduce the flow of corporate and union money into federal politics appeared to be in trouble in the Supreme Court on Wednesday. While that attempt had an energetic defense from Justices Stephen G. Breyer and David H. Souter, it seemed apparent at the end of an hour of argument that the "blackout" period for "electioneering" ads on radio and TV -- if it survived at all -- would have far less effect in restraining such ads.

. . .

Scalia was clearly taking the lead against the "blackout." He commented to Solicitor General Paul D. Clement, who was defending that restriction: "This is the First Amendment. We don't make people guess whether their speech is going to be allowed by Big Brother or not. If you are going to cut off the speech, there ought to be a clear line...And you're not giving us one." Roberts, confronting attorney Seth P. Waxman, representing lawmakers who helped create the "blackout," soon echoed Scalia by asking rhetorically: "Do we usually place the burden when we're applying strict scritiny under the First Amendment on the challenger to prove that they're allowed to speak, as opposed to the government...to carry the burden that they can censor the speech?"
Excellent questions, friends, excellent questions. The answer to both assertions is that the line drawn by the first amendment is really quite simple: unless the political speech is fightin' words or otherwise illegal, it is to be permitted unless the government can show a compelling interest to muzzle what is otherwise protected speech. I can think of no circumstance that makes the blanket "blackout" rule of McCain-Feingold pass that test. But what do I know? I'm just a lawyer/blogger.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

"I'm getting a million dollars of free advertisements."

Via Instapundit, we find that Nifong was prosecuting the Duke lacrosse case for the most craven of reasons -- to get elected DA and get a fat bonus when he retired.
Seeing the crowd, Brown retreated to a corner and called Nifong several times on his cell phone, she said. No answer.

When Nifong left his office to go to the men's room, Brown maneuvered him into a corner so her back was to the cameras.

"What are you doing? Why don't you answer my calls?"

The television reporters had asked that he turn off the cell phone so it wouldn't ring during interviews, Nifong said.

"I said, 'You don't have any idea what the impact is going to be on your campaign.' He said, 'I'm getting a million dollars of free advertisements.'

"I left and didn't say another word."

Now, others much smarter and more informed than I have commented on this case throughout (see Durham in Wonderland, for one). However, as a criminal defense lawyer and former prosecutor, I reckon my opinion should count for a little something. Nifong should be in prison, without question. By the time he took over the case, just a couple weeks after the "event," he already knew that the "victim" had changed her story about six times. She could not identify anyone. The stripper that accompanied her said nothing like that happened.
A News & Observer examination of Nifong's handling of the case, based on documents and dozens of interviews, adds new insights about the investigation's focus on shoring up Mangum's claims. Nifong ignored contrary facts, withheld evidence favorable to the accused and refused to discuss the case with defense lawyers.

His lead investigator, Linwood Wilson, pressured witnesses and produced different timelines and accounts to support Mangum's shifting statements.

There is no evidence that Nifong or any investigator challenged Mangum to explain the contradictions in her versions of what happened at 610 N. Buchanan Blvd. Nor did they speak with the doctor who conducted the pelvic examination hours after Mangum said she had been raped.

This whole episode has been astonishing. As a lawyer who defends indigent clients (as well as paying ones), I am utterly appalled that someone running for District Attorney, the position that requires, above all, exemplary ethics and judgment, could show so little of either. Had this accusation been made against indigent defendants, who knows what would have happened? Here in Virginia, the General Assembly has so handicapped appointed lawyers with fee caps (which is changing, thankfully, but we will have to wait and see how things unfold), there is no telling. Innocent people do get convicted, even when represented by the most conscientious counsel -- and by innocent, I mean actual innocence, and not just "not guilty." When a prosecutor knows that the defendants are innocent, and yet still seeks to prosecute, he or she destroys the foundation upon which the system operates.

Anyhow, Nifong deserves whatever he gets. He is almost certainly going to be disbarred for directing the DNA examiner to withhold exculpatory evidence, and for the outrageous statements he made early in the prosecution about the lacrosse players. Is he going to jail? We will have to see. He should. He has done more damage to the integrity of the modern criminal justice system than any single prosecutor could have, in my opinion.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Lucero in Charlottesville



Awesome video from the show at Starr Hill. I wasn't there, but the wife was. Excellent. Best. Band. In. The. Country.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Ah, the vaunted tolerance and understanding of the left -- you know, the "reality based" community.

Criticize Al Gore, the left's hero, and get the following on your email: "you guys are the faggiest fags I’ve ever come across. How do you get any work done, what with all the c**k sucking and such?”

Classy. And persuasive!

Saturday, April 07, 2007

This is a law professor. Really. He is. Not kidding.



Puts his junk in the right box! Go vote for him.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

You people voted for these folks

And now, Nancy Pelosi is large and in charge. And, incredibly, blocking the passage of a bill that condemns Iran for taking British hostages and expresses support for our closest and dearest ally. WTF is the matter with these Democrats?
A Republican Congressional staffer writes:
It is simply staggering to me that Pelosi refuses to stand beside America's closest ally. I literally would not have thought this possible, until I saw it this week.
Staggering, indeed. We'll see what happens this afternoon.
It's these types of self-inflicted wounds that should, if the world were fair, end political careers. Trent Lott, idiot that he is, got pilloried for making a stupid comment about a friend of his that came off racist--he lost his job as Senate Majority Leader. Nancy Pelosi will, most likely, suffer no blowback for this except in the blogosphere--in fact, she probably will get accolades for being "courageous" or some such nonsense. I wonder why that is?

UPDATE: More of the same shit.

I love Youtube -- FUGAZI!!!

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Legos, apparently, are unfair and capitalist-meritocratic tools of the oppressors of all society!!!

Good god in heaven. What is happening in Seatlle?
At Hilltop, however, the teachers strive to make them different. “We recognized that children are political beings, actively shaping their social and political understandings of ownership and economic equity,” write Pelo and Pelojoaquin. “We agreed that we want to take part in shaping the children’s understandings from a perspective of social justice. So we decided to take the Legos out of the classroom.”

The root cause of Hilltop’s Lego problem was that, well, the kids were being kids: There were disputes over “cool pieces,” instances of bigger kids bossing around little ones, and so on.

An ordinary person might recognize this as child’s play. But the social theorists at Hilltop saw something else: “The children were building their assumptions about ownership and the social power it conveys — assumptions that mirrored those of a class-based, capitalist society — a society that we teachers believe to be unjust and oppressive.”
Fortunately, after educating the children on the positive good of "collective action" as opposed to the absolute negative of capitalistic self-reliance, the teachers were able to permit Legos in the class again. Subject, of course, to certain limitations:
After “months of social justice exploration,” the teachers finally agreed it was time to return the Legos to the classroom. That’s because the children at last had bought into the concept that “collectivity is a good thing.” And in Hilltop’s new Lego regime, there would be three immutable laws:

--All structures are public structures. Everyone can use all the Lego structures. But only the builder or people who have her or his permission are allowed to change a structure.

--Lego people can be saved only by a “team” of kids, not by individuals.

--All structures will be standard sizes.

You can almost feel the liberating spirit of that last rule. All structures will be standard sizes? At Hilltop Children’s Center, all imaginations will be a standard size as well: small.
If you think this is a parody, it's not. It's for real. Of course, we all should know that banning Legos is a way to promote "social justice." "Social justice," of course, is making certain that creative and individualistic kids are not permitted to exhibit any creativity or individualism, because that perpetuates the evil inequities of capitalism. This same capitalism oppresses everyone by making them wealthy enough to go to college. Where they learn this crap.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Tannerball banned in China!

No Tannerball in China!! That is way cool. It must be the news about choppin' and fryin' husbands.

Via IMAO.

This is not Jim Beam talking....


Although he's on board. I was just watching Saturday Night Live, and I have to say that Amy Poeler is totally hot. I mean really hot.

And she's right about the weed.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Botox and booze. Sweet--


Get drunk and better looking at the same time. WE MUST STOP THIS TO PROTECT THE CHILDREN FROM THESE "BOTOX COWBOYS"!! WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN!!!!

You want fries with that?

Well, I'll be damned:
A Brazilian housewife was convicted and sentenced to 19 years in prison Friday for killing her husband, chopping his body into small pieces and frying it. Rosanita Nery dos Santos, 52, drugged her husband in his sleep, then stabbed him to death two years ago in Salvador, about 900 miles northeast of Sao Paulo, said police spokesman Idmar Bonfim.

She then hacked Jose Raimundo Soares dos Santos' body into more than 100 pieces, which she boiled and fried before hiding in plastic bags beneath a staircase in her house, Bonfim said. He said police discovered the body parts after receiving an anonymous phone call.

...

Santos denied killing her husband but said she chopped up his body, Bonfim said.

"She claims masked assailants entered her house, killed her husband and then forced her to cut up the body and fry it because that would prevent the stench of a decomposing body from alerting neighbors," he said.
Wow. She really hated his ass.

Zen and the Art of complete self-centeredness.


We here at Tannerball don't care for the new "Yoga culture", prominent around the 'ville, and here's why.
It all adds up to what a friend recently called the "hostile New Age takeover of yoga." "New Age" culture being those scented-candle shrines to self-worship, the love-oneself lit of The Secret, the "applied kinesiology"-type medical and metaphysical quackery used to support a vast array of alternative-this or alternative-that magical-thinking workshops and spa weekends. At its best, it's harmless mental self-massage. At its worst, it's the kind of thinking that blames cancer victims for their disease because they didn't "manifest" enough positive vibes.
One "manifestation" of this takeover is the shameless enlistment of yoga and elevated Eastern yogic philosophy for shamelessly material Western goals. Rather than an alternative, it's become an enabler. "Power yoga"! Yoga for success! Yoga for regime change! (Kidding.)

...

Thus, we get the classic Western women's magazine "relationship story" translated into Eastern yoga-speak. Indeed they give it prominent placement in the issue and subject their readers to the endless New Age clich├ęs of pablum-dispensing yoga-wisdom "experts" who further encourage the hapless writer not to move on but to dwell endlessly, excruciatingly, on the microanalysis of the situation.
Instead of counseling her just to leave the poor guy alone, they direct her to dwell on her need to forgive herself: Some "research associate" at Stanford tells her "when people can't forgive, their stress levels increase which can contribute to cardiovascular problems."

Read the whole thing -- it's funny because it's true. Via Ace of Spades.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Maurice Monkee is a gay macaque

This website was created by a woman who has had turkish coffee with Osama bin Laden (years ago), and she says "I know he's bad and all, but I've got to say, he is sexy as all get out." Really. I am completely serious.

Monday, March 12, 2007

There. It's funny because it's true.

I want my SOB!
A great many of us seem to have had enough of the softer, feminized, kumbaya approach to matters both domestic and foreign. Our well-intentioned efforts to do good in various spheres — to Arabs (Operation Iraqi Freedom), to unacademic kids (No Child Left Behind), to poor Central Americans (you’re not “illegal,” only “undocumented”!) — have left us with a bunch of messes to be cleaned up. While we get down to it with the mops and shovels, perhaps we’d prefer to have the federal power in the hands of a person who fits the self-description offered in the USMC version of the 23rd Psalm:

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil:
For I am the meanest SOB in the valley.
RUDY 2008 -- "The notion of our president treating Osama bin Laden the way Rudy has treated his wives has a lot of appeal."

**sorry for the bad Dire Straights thing.**

Friday, March 09, 2007

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Nights like these. . .

Sample some Lucero live (bootleg):

See what I'm talking about? The beer tastes like blood!

And try out this one:

Here you go, sir. Your liver and part of a head.


Ick.
"My husband started to unwrap one and said, 'This is strange, it looks like a liver,'" Ludivine Larmande said. "He started the second one, but stopped as soon as we saw the ear.

"Something wasn't right. It was scary, and I'm glad I didn't open them."

The ninja has another omnibus.



Enjoy! He looks forward to killing you later.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Let Lucero do the talking . . .

Here's the mood around Tannerball lately:

I think I'll stay right down here on this floor
Cause if I get back up I'll only fall down more
It ain't the liquor and it ain't the beer that keeps me down
It ain't the sad songs or heartache it ain't even this town

Now I must've had a pretty good time to end up here
Made a pretty good run it caught up with me my dear
There's no need to make a fuss cause I'll be all right
Just let me lay here a while 'til I can stand upright

Now I'm just a little bit tired that's all
Don't make me get back up cause I'll just fall

Please stop talking so loud and just let me sleep
I ain't in nobody's way they can just step over me
Well I think I'll just stay right down here on this floor
Cause if I get back up I'll only fall down some more
Thanks to Lucero for being so damn good. Sorry to be a downer, but that's what's up these days.

Men among savages . . .

Read about this soldier in Afghanistan, and thank your lucky stars that there are men out there doing this for us. Amazing:
As the ceremony was about to begin, the bomber, dressed as a medical professional was stopped by Afghan National Police inside the compound. As he was being questioned he took off running towards the ceremony.

As ANP forces chased the suspect, Coalition forces verbally instructed him to stop. When he did not, they engaged with small arms fire, hitting the bomber several times. A U.S. Soldier wrestled him to the ground, restraining him long enough to allow the crowd of people to move safely away. He was able to break free from the bomber prior to the explosion. He sustained only minor injuries from the blast.

Two of the seven injured Soldiers have been medically evacuated to Forward Operating Base Salerno where they are listed in stable condition.
See Ace for this and a cool video.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

When guilty pleasures go bad...

they are like American Idol this season. The boys stink. No rockers, no men, nothing but fruity fruity fruity. And now, the beer.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

This will keep the drunks off the road!!!


Urinal cakes that tell you you're an idiot! Next up -- condom machines that say "you really shouldn't do that -- coyote hangover, man."

Aside from country music

We grow Cy Young Award winners who drive RVs back to their hometowns in Ashland. Oh yeah. . . Cy Young winning pitchers. Driving RVs. Wife won't even divorce him afterward. Believe it or not, it's true.

I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya. . .

but I have been going through some shite. Read this, and be heartened that French speakers can actually kick some ass.
While talking to the gunman, Lemine realized the hijacker did not understand French.
The 50-year-old captain used the plane's public address system to tip off passengers in French about his plan to throw the hijacker off-balance so that the flight crew and about 10 passengers in the front rows could subdue him, the Spanish official said.

Lemine also ordered women and children to move to the back rows of the plane in preparation for the subterfuge, the official said.

Around 20 people were slightly injured when the plane braked suddenly, the official added.

Spanish officials — and some passengers — initially were concerned the hijacking was related to the trial that began earlier in the day in Spain for 29 people accused of the 2004 Madrid train bombings.

The hijacker was arrested by Spanish police who boarded the plane after it landed at Gando airport, outside Las Palmas.
Excellent. And they kicked that highjacker's ass.
It worked. The man was standing in the middle aisle when the pilot carried out his maneuver, and he fell to the floor, dropping one of his two 7mm pistols. Flight attendants then threw boiling water from a coffee machine in his face and at his chest, and some 10 people jumped on the man and beat him, the Spanish official said.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Jim Webb!! Born Fightin'!

And here we have the original draft of his response to the State of the Union Address. Excellent:
We Democrats are mostly united in our opposition to sending more troops to Iraq. We weren’t last month, but sometimes, the most important part of accountability is a stealthy retreat. Take my colleage Silvestre Reyes over in the House, who recently noted that this president had sent too few troops to Iraq, who saw the importance of “victory” there (finger quotes here), and who called for sending more troops if need be. That was then; this is now. He was mistaken, kind of like when he unintentionally imitated a retarded person when a reporter for the Congressional Quarterly asked him about the sectarian affiation of Al Qaeda and he said, “predominantly — probably Shiite.” Representative Reyes knows that these are just distractions from raising the minimum wage, health care, social security, and the things that really matter to Americans. I have absolute confidence that as Chairman of the Intelligence Commitee, he’ll continue to give those important issues his full attention.


Via Instapundit.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

It's all so simple

when Thomas Sowell explains it.
Today there are adults — including educated adults — who explain multimillion-dollar corporate executives’ salaries as being due to “greed.”

Think about it: I could become so greedy that I wanted a fortune twice the size of Bill Gates’s — but this greed would not increase my income by one cent.

If you want to explain why some people have astronomical incomes, it cannot be simply because of their own desires — whether “greedy” or not — but because of what other people are willing to pay them.
He's right--I am greedy and I want a new car, but that doesn't mean Porsche is going to give it to me. Read the whole thing, and ask yourself this question: if the people who determine that oil companies are being "greedy" by making the same profit margin as they always have were really in charge, how much would a gallon of gas cost?

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Someone explain to me


why Lucero isn't the best band in the whole wide world. Please explain it to me before I go crazy with whiskey and depression.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Monday, January 01, 2007

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2007 -- let's hope it's better than 2006. I don't know how it could be, with spectacular movies like this:

And if you don't like it, well, go shave your balls, you dusty old fart.