My alarm went off at seven this morning, just as the sun was starting to peek in through my window. I thought about hitting the snooze, but I had someplace important to be. I shaved, showered, put on my favorite pair of comfy boxers. Then I got dressed, taking special care as I strapped on the explosive vest that I wore under my shirt. Then I went out and blew up a whole bunch of people.
Oh, no, wait. I didn’t. Because I’m not a sick, murdering fuck.
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